I’ve spent more time and energy on conducting research and compiling information in the past week by my own accord than I did my entire last semester as a college student. It took me four years of sitting in a classroom to learn that I don’t like learning about anything when the manner in which I must do it is orchestrated by someone else.
I just went through my tumblr archive to when I first created this blog my freshman year. Today, on the day of my graduation, it’s strange to flip through this web transcript of everything I felt was worth writing about on the internet over the last four years. I used to write so many long winded text entries about what was going on in my mind and my heart and my world. Some of them are really introspective and thought provoking, others are just kind of embarrassing to look at now. Most of them. So much has changed throughout this chapter of my life, and I couldn’t be more excited to see what the next one brings. As different of a person I was at this time four years ago, something I wrote in one of my first tumblr posts back in 2010 still rings true:
“I could travel to the ends of the earth and back, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel home the same way as when I drive around this town with the windows down, immersed in the sounds of my car radio and the voices of my best friends.”
Oh man. I have some of the greatest people in my life.
I’ve met some of the most fascinating and hospitable people this past week. Kind of bummed I can’t bring them all back to philly with me.
The other day I opened a letter that I wrote to myself one year ago. In it I listed some of the milestone moments of the previous year and described several things I hoped to see happen in the upcoming year. In the section where I anticipate graduating college and how I plan to use my time following graduation, I wrote this:
“But when I think I’m really honest with myself, all I really want after college is three things: Philadelphia, Tree House Books, and coffee.”
This has not changed.
I adore running into friends unexpectedly and sharing in that moment of surprise bliss when your eyes meet. I love that expression of genuine elation on the other person’s face. It somehow displays all the love they have for you and the connection you share in a matter of seconds. It’s one of my favorite things. I never get tired of this.
Can I just put it out there that childhood me would never in a million years believe that adulthood me would have such a high number of friends who are also adults that still build forts.
Sometimes I feel as though our language is terribly limited when I’m talking about relationships I have with certain people in my life. “Friend,” “Best Friend,” and “Lover” are so specific and restrictive that I can’t possibly be expected to put everyone I care about into one of those categories. There are some people in my life with whom I share a remarkably unique relationship. These people are “friends,” I suppose. But whenever the word leaves my mouth I feel like I’m doing them a disservice. They’re like blood. My constant in an ever changing world. For some reason the only term we seemed to have coined for those who are “more than friends” is some kind of romantic lover, which is not always the case. Usually not. For such highly evolved and intelligent beings, we sure love trying to squeeze everything into a tightly fitting box. But then I guess they exist so we have something to bust through.
Holy shit I needed to see my friends so bad tonight. Here is where I analyze the evening and express the blessing it is to have such friends in some eloquently stated way, but tonight I don’t feel like breaking it down to fit neatly into a blog post. My friends are fucking awesome and that’s all.
With each passing day I am slowly seeing myself transform into a different person, mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am quite fond of her, actually.