Five Reasons a DiTaranto Christmas is the best there is:

Tree Decorating Tradition: Each year we wait to decorate the tree until both my sister and I have returned for the holidays. We lay out all the ornaments while mom sets the timer. We then try to trim the tree in record speed. Our 2009 record of 6 minutes still hasn’t been beat.

Baked Goods and Eggnog: This event is normally discussed as “Mom, Tor, and Whit baking for the holidays” although without fail, it results as me in the kitchen for the 48 hours leading up to family dinner baking obscene amounts of desserts while the only participation from my sister is gauging the amount of liquor to be added in the eggnog and my mom telling me I have to move so she can start making the ham.

Black Santa: We have a life-sized plastic black santa that stands on the stoop of our suburban home every year. There is absolutely no one in our family that is of African descent, nor is 98% of our town residents.

Function Over Fashion: Maybe it’s because there are no children left in our immediate family or because money is tight these days, but the last few years of gift exchanges have yielded some of the most practical items imaginable. My sister and I once got our Dad a packaging-tape-dispenser and I received Q-tips, tissues, and mints as stocking stuffers.

Tacky Light Displays: Sometimes the four of us will get in the car and drive around the area in search of the most obnoxious holiday decor possible, shamelessly slowing down in front of the houses where the people inside undoubtedly see us.

The only family whose holiday eccentricity comes close to matching ours is that of my dear friend @RPezzolla whom, I must admit, has us beat at Easter. I mean, let’s just take a look at this:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!